Define Winning

Winning should be 100% personal.  And anyone that hinges their happiness on someone else's potential success might want to re-think this life-model. Or, at least, consider my point-of-view.

Here is my best attempt to defend that statement.

Ever get frustrated when 'your' team loses?  The fact that you even have a team to root for is a victory in and of itself.  Isn't watching your team and bonding with fellow fans good enough? (Note that these two things have nothing to do with what is actually happening on the court/field, etc...)

And what about parents that are overly harsh on their kids when they fail?  No victory can be achieved without failure.  The biggest success stories stem from the most colossal screw-ups.  Success is found in the process of learning, recovering and progressing. Scolding a child for a failure is often failure.

Winning and losing are symbiotic like a bicep-tricep combination.  To do a pull-up, we need our triceps to 'fail' (relax) in order for our biceps to 'succeed' in pulling us above the bar. Losing, in this case, simultaneously creates winning.

Back to the sports analogy: When your team loses and frustration sets in, this emotional reflex is actually success!--it shows you have the ability to feel passionate about something.  Losing is also a reminder that you can't always win. Perfection isn't possible. (And probably not much fun, anyway).

American culture places tremendous emphasis on winning; perfection. Our society's definition of winning is also usually a 'you vs. me' scenario.  This is a classic 'distributive' situation. That is, there is a defined amount of success available and each of us is trying to get as much of this success as possible. We aren't told that we can all win.  Why can't we all win in our own way?

Each of these examples are outcome-based, which is why we believe we can't all win.  Success is always related to final outcomes and never processes.  But, it's the processes in life, usually a combination of failures that lead to winning, that should be the key metric in our personalized definitions of success.

Failure+Failure+Failure+Failure+Failure=success (and sometimes more failure).  
                (Process portion)                                (Outcome portion)


Final outcomes are short and proportionally a minute piece of the overall process in anything we do. Processes are the substantive part of life we seem to overlook. This is why winning should be 100% personal--the effort, learning, tribulation is 99.9999% process and .00001% outcome.

Success/winning is (almost) all you. Others may help you throughout life's journeys, but the path to success is unique for all of us. We have to live our processes. Because no one person's processes are exactly the same as another, success is different for each of us. Why there is a definition for success/winning in the dictionary is beyond me...

The bottom line is this:  You determine what success is.  As life changes, you have the freedom to change this definition. Success/Winning is entirely personal because no one else is living your life. No one has the right to tell you what your definition of success should be either.

The next time you watch your team lose (and get frustrated) or look down on someone, you are likely judging and reacting to them from an outcome perspective and neglecting to consider their process.

You can't control someone else's process so be careful to wrap up too much of your own happiness in what other people do.  Manage your process.  Fail. Succeed. Lose.  This is the only way to truly Win.

Beyond the Comfort Zone

Do you ever have those moments when you see someone or something that makes you think, "Damn, that is motivating."?

For me, watching Lance Armstrong sprint away from his competition, surfers dropping in on massive waves and my favorite musicians have this effect.  I feel empowered, energized and motivated to be 'involved' and 'engaged' with life.

I've actually analyzed why I think these things motivate me and I can narrow it down to a few primary reasons--I have a need to be better, tougher and feel more 'alive'.

Armstrong has guts. He's mentally and physically tough and can push himself into realms of pain that can't be categorized.

Big wave surfers are risk takers and push themselves over the edge of monster swells without the option of turning back--they exhibit full commitment.

Musicians create and perform highly personal pieces of music for thousands, if not millions of people to judge and critique. They have nowhere to hide.

The question I ask myself is this: "What am I doing to be more like these people and what is potentially keeping me from achieving this goal?"

Scientists have documented how little we tap into our capabilities (mental, physical and emotional). Is it because we are afraid of failure or pain?  Or, is there more to it than that?

My guess is that we are mostly afraid of change--that is, the more we push ourselves beyond our comfort zone, the more we realize how much further we can push and better ourselves.  I think we realize that once we get into the habit and feel comfortable regularly pushing ourselves beyond our limits that this process is never ending.  And that's scary!

If you answered 'yes' to my initial question in this blog post you must (to some degree) see the value in challenging yourself. Deep down I think we all want to strive toward our true potential--I'm not convinced that humans can be satisfied merely existing.

What are your sources of motivation?  And do you seek opportunities to constantly improve yourself?

Finally, consider this:  What if you are the source of someone else's motivation? If this is the case, then the more you push yourself, the more you benefit others.

Perception of Wealth

Starbucks, Microsoft, Eddie Bauer, Expedia.com, Nintendo, Amazon.com, Drugstore.com, Real Networks, Costco, Nordstrom, and Jones Soda are all companies that claim Seattle as their home.

In 30 years, these companies have helped transform the identity of the Pacific Northwest (as seen by outsiders) from a dreary and desolate place into a forward-thinking, innovative and inspiring cultural hub.

But there is more to the NW region (and always has been) than computers, coffee and expensive clothing. There is something special about the people.  I would argue that it is next-to-impossible to live in the NW and not develop a heightened sense of spirituality.  Washingtonians, Oregonians and Idahoans have a special appreciation for the environment (not just ecological) and their role in preserving, improving and thriving in it.

When the world thinks "Seattle" they associate it with rain, lattes and the 90's Grunge scene. The world doesn't see the role that Native American culture played in developing the social framework and foundation by which people in the region live and have come to appreciate how interdependent life and nature truly are.

Economic prosperity makes the NW a wonderful place to live.   But, the strong cultural backbone of the region is a key factor that has allowed this prosperity to happen.  I have included a quick bit of NW Native American history to highlight the point I am trying to make:

The next time you attend a potluck dinner you can thank the indigenous peoples of the NW Coast--Tlingit, Tsimshian and Salish to name a few.  The term 'potluck' was derived from the word 'potlach', (Chinook jargon meaning 'to give away') a festival ceremony held by these tribes.

These ceremonies were held for the main purpose of re-distributing wealth.  Wealth included material goods but also involved spiritual goods such as elaborate songs and dances.  Unlike our society now, family status in these communities was determined not by the possession of resources but by how many resources each family gave away.

Their idea of a strong community was one that empowered its members to work hard in order to help others.

Bringing this post full-circle, I'd like to think that the success enjoyed by the aforementioned companies is, in part, due to strategic business visions that incorporate this ideology into their business models.

I'm proud of my NW roots--I grew up there.  I'm proud that I am associated with a place that people think is cool, innovative and edgy. But, I'm also proud that there is so much more to my home than famous companies and Nirvana (the band, not the state-of-being).

I don't think the economic success of the NW would have ever happened if it weren't for the deep-rooted cultural importance placed on sense-of-community and unwavering appreciation for sustainability (economic, social and environmental).

The NW is clearly unique. I think it has been able to make a tremendous positive difference in the world by acknowledging and leveraging its uniqueness.  Citizens of the NW have a clear vision of 'who' they are, 'where' they come from and 'what' their community should stand for.

Honestly Speaking

Here's a good way to get your life headed in a more meaningful and simple direction:  Be honest.


Currently, I am buried underneath mounds o' books and articles in preparation for an upcoming Negotiations exam.  The material is fascinating but frustrating.


This test is going to be a monster.  It doesn't need to be.


I've read hundreds of pages of text describing various business, political and war-related strategies and conflicts--big and small, violent and non-violent, that, at their core, can be boiled down to one simple concept: honesty. 


Successful negotiations (typically) hinge on a foundation of trust, open communication and a common goal. In other words, successful negotiations need all parties involved to be honest. This is the best way to maximize the outcome for all parties involved.


Q: If the concept of honesty is the lynchpin to most successful negotiations, why did I spend the last 8 weeks poring over gazillions of pages of hardly discernible literature?  A: The concept of honesty might be easy to understand, but, evidently, it isn't easy to execute. 


Here's why:


Each of us are faced with negotiation situations every day.  Many negotiations are with ourselves!  Because of this, it is critical that each of us acknowledge the importance of being honest 'internally'. Without genuine and honest self-reflection it is impossible to negotiate 'outside' of one's self because we are not able to communicate our true interests. The sooner we can find the courage and strength to be honest with ourselves the sooner we can be honest (and properly negotiate) with our friends, family, neighbors, colleagues and enemies.  


Warning: Honesty can be hurtful and a hard pill to swallow.  But, the long-term ill effects of half-truths and deception make life much more difficult than it needs to be.


And honestly, if more honesty existed I wouldn't be sweating this upcoming exam.

Friday vs. Monday

I used to be a 3rd grade substitute teacher.  Actually, I was only a substitute teacher for 2 weeks but I really enjoyed it.  The kids had so much energy and the creative juices flowing through their veins was incredible--it made me feel like a kid again!

But, I'm sure you can imagine the consequences of allowing 25 3rd graders to run-amok with all that energy. It's potentially disastrous (so I assumed) and quickly thought my best course of action as a teacher was to create a routine. As it turns out, I got bored of their routine, switched things up and almost instigated a mutiny lead by 8 year-olds...I probably should have never implemented and subjected the kids to something so structured in the first place.

From a young age we are placed in a routine to keep us focused and under control. We learn that routine is the way things work in the world. I think this might be the beginning of the framework that teaches us to be afraid of failure (more on that in a minute). And, besides, we wouldn't want to live in an environment where the 'inmates run the asylum' now, would we? We gotta have routine, right?

Ehh. Not necessarily.

Routine can be good, but, over time it zaps our ability to feel truly free. We need to shake up our routine, try new things, go crazy! We might be better off if our daily routine was anything but.

 Allow me to explain:

As we get older the lens through which we view life changes. Nothing new here. What we don't realize is that as we age our perspectives might be getting clearer, but they certainly aren't freeing us. The more and more we learn about life the less and less likely we are to feel free to take risks.  As kids, we didn't know what failure really was. Failure, in fact, hardly existed. A big reason for this is that we didn't view the world from a rigid point-of-view. When something didn't seem to work out we moved on to something else. As adults, when something doesn't work out we act as if our shoes are filled with cement. We harden. Too much attention is given to failure to the point that we are trapped by it. I contend that our rigid routines have helped make us this way. Routine is the antithesis to adaptability.

Something else to consider:

Today is Friday. Everyone is excited because the weekend is almost here.  To a child, every day is like a Friday. Many of you probably think, "I just need to get through the week and to the weekend."  Whoa. If that's the case, you are spending more than 70 percent of your life wishing and hoping for the other 30.

This is the routine we have created in America.  This is the way of life we have learned and grown accustomed to. This is the framework in which our perspectives have been created. And we don't challenge our acceptance of this framework. Frankly, it isn't very fun.  Work, work, work, work, work, fun, fun?  We need to re-think this.

All of our days should run together.  Have you ever considered going out for dinner or a beer on a Tuesday?  Do it!  Use your days! One of the reasons retirement sounds so exciting is because we look forward to this type of lifestyle.  Retirement is like returning to the life we had as children.  We don't need to work ourselves into the ground for 30 or 40 years to enjoy this way of life.

Here's my final thought:

Our current lifestyle of mundane routine is self-imposed. This lifestyle over-emphasizes failure.  This over-emphasis keeps us from taking the risks necessary to make our lives better. This lifestyle can be undone.

Cheers!

Digital Detox

It's 8:56 am CST, my computer has 1hr 11min worth of charge remaining, my cell phone is vibrating on the table, I'm cruising the web for interesting and uplifting stories in the world, emails are flooding in and I'm jamming to some funky reggae beats blaring in my headphones.  I'm completely connected and in-tune with the digital world.  I couldn't get more plugged in unless battery packs for humans existed.  Until that day, my gigantic Americano sitting next to me will have to do...

This is the cultural norm now.  These days not having a Facebook account will make people look at you as if you just drove by in a Flintstone's style car.  If your cell phone isn't a smart phone you might as well be using styrofoam cups and string! And, for the record, my cell phone is not a smart phone and it works just fine.

I enjoy the digital world. I like the fact that it has provided creative types a new platform from which to innovate and create. I like that it has created an inter-connectedness unlike ever before.  I like the efficiency it provides too. However, an unintended consequence of this lifestyle is that we cannot detach from it. It's almost as if we believe the entire digital world will fall apart if we aren't plugged in--this is the 'buy in' that has been created. The new unspoken rule is that once you have joined the digital world you are not allowed to leave.

That's ridiculous. We'll all be clinically insane if we don't start implementing periods of digital detox into our daily lives.

Try this:  Tonight at 7pm turn off your cell phone, don't check your email and avoid the TV.  Go for a run, read a book or enjoy a nice glass of wine.

Let me know how it goes!

Express gratitude.

Have you ever witnessed a parent drop their child off at school, soccer practice, a piano lesson, etc. and their last statement is them saying, "Have fun--I love you."? I hope so!  What I find more interesting is that many of the kids don't respond in-kind.

I know for years my mother would always end phone calls that way and it wasn't until I was 25 that I regularly responded with "Love you too!"  Saying those words felt awkward--Of course I love my mom. I always have!  I'm not sure why I ever struggled to communicate such a simple sentence.

My best guess is that I lacked the maturity to realize how fortunate I have always been.  I dunno. Whatever the case, I don't make that mistake any more.  Now, I make a conscious effort to let those I care about in my life know exactly how much I appreciate them.  There is no reason for me not to.

When you step back from the speed of life you might notice that we concern ourselves with so many things that just don't matter or shouldn't matter.  I take pride in living a pseudo-simple life but even I can identify copious amounts of 'filler' in my day-to-day affairs. Fortunately, this 'filler' does not consume me.

In previous blog posts I've discussed the benefits of having less 'stuff'. Less stuff means less life-clutter. Living this way provides us with the opportunity to see what matters most and to spend time doing those things. But, stuff isn't just material. Stuff doesn't have to be tangible.  Stuff can be ideas, worries and frustrations that might swirl around in your head and unnecessarily distract you from what truly matters. We need to avoid these things as they lead us on a path of self-destruction.

I love my parents. I love my sister--and her dog. I love my grandparents. There are a few other things in my life that matter immensely. These are my priorities. This is why I try to live a life of quality and simplicity. It's the type of life that allows me to have clearly defined priorities.  It's the type of life that allows me to ignore distractions, useless stuff and negative people. It's the type of life that allows me to clearly see what matters most. And, it's the type of life that allows me to freely express gratitude.

So, Mom: "I love you."

Let's be perfectly clear about that!